Roadblocks to Communication

Communication is the key to any good relationship. Most of the time when we think we are communicating with our partner, we really are only communicating with ourselves. We see and communicate with our own goodness as it is reflected back to us from our partner. That works for awhile. But we also relate to our own negativity as it is reflected back to us. The problem is, we seldom realize to whom we are relating.

We often times paint a picture of gloom about our relationship in our own head and then we react to that picture as if it was painted by our partner. For example, our partner gets home late. We dream up the thought that our partner is messing around with someone else. We see where they meet, we see them kiss each other, and the picture unfolds like a movie. As we watch this movie, we become more and more anxious and angry. We think we are angry at our partner, but we are really angry at the picture we painted in our own head.

In order to improve our relationships and develop more effective communication, we must learn how to draw the boundaries between what we are thinking and what is real. This is no small task, but it can be done. We start when we take a step back from our thinking and realize it for what it is; a fantasy of our own creation.